Day 2

Well now, this got serious very quickly.

As of midnight last night, all non-essential businesses were asked to close.  Not mandated (we haven't reached that point yet), but asked to close.  It was also recommended that gatherings be kept to 10 people or less - so no more large family dinners for awhile.

Things feel chaotic - confusing - claustrophobic - right now.  I hate not knowing what the next hour will bring as far as my freedom to move around and do what I want / need to do.  I'm 21 weeks pregnant with twins and very fortunate not to be a high risk case.  But at the same time my appointments are being cancelled and with losing a baby in the past I'm still nervous.  You'd think after 2 healthy babies I would be over the fears, but I'm not.  And this whole pandemic makes it all worse.

I'm still going to work.  It doesn't seem like I'm at a higher risk because I'm pregnant, but I've also seen differing reports that I am.  It's confusing.  It's overwhelming. The doctors office told me if/when we have active cases that it's in my best interest to work from home and they will write me an excuse.  And I could do it now, but there aren't any cases in my county.  So I'm going to save that for when it's actually needed so I can shelter in place at home and still be able to work.

The world we live in is so weird today. In some ways we are trying to be totally normal - playing video games, eating family dinners like it's any other day. But then it's not normal - stores and gyms closing, restaurants only doing take-out or delivery, churches live-streaming services so they are protecting the vulnerable in the congregation but not sacrificing the messaging. 

I wish they would just impose all the infringement on our freedoms now, and then it lasts for 14-21 days and then we're done.  There's no way we are going to get out of this without many deaths.  And I get why they are trying to "flatten the curve" (that will be one of the phrases that I will now hate until the end of time - along with "all the things," but that's another entry for another day) but stop the death by a thousand cuts and just impose restrictions.  It feels right now like we are just waiting on the other shoe to drop.  I want it to drop so there's a timeline, a distinct knowledge of where we are, and the ability to move forward.

This uncertainty is oppressing and depressing.