My husband had to have a test this morning so my mom was kind enough to come watch the kids. She was here super early and they had a good morning together. When we got home she said her goodbyes and got ready to leave. I could see it in her face. I could see it in her eyes. The same thing I was feeling. Grief.
I started working from home today, meaning I'm not leaving for anything except groceries and appointments for at least the next 2 weeks - but we will see if it goes longer. My mom is used to seeing the kids a few times a week. I'm used to seeing my mom a few times a week. And it hit hard that this could be the last time I see her in person for a few weeks.
Today made it all feel real. I'm sitting in my dining room, working from home, taking conference calls and webinars. I'm doing what I can to maintain some sort of working normalcy (and I was able to accomplish A LOT today) but it's not the same. It would be different if this was my choice and it wasn't in the middle of a pandemic. It would be different if we were snowed in and I physically couldn't leave the house. But I can. It's just that I shouldn't.
The cases are much closer to home now. 6 in my county, over 800 in the state. It's only going to get worse - we know that as they are testing more and more people the numbers are going to explode. That part is common sense. What we don't know at this point is if the social distancing is working. We probably won't know that for another week or two - when we can see how full the hospitals are and how many deaths are occurring.
Schools in Pennsylvania are closed for at least another 2 weeks - so at the earliest they will go back right after Easter. I haven't told my son, but at this rate I'm doubting they will go back at all. It will break his heart - there are so many things that they get to do at the end of the year.
I'm trying to stay positive. I'm trying to find the bright spots. My two youngest are definite bright spots in this darkness. We are eating more meals as a family. The weather is nice(ish) and we will be able to go outside. We are accomplishing projects at home (I've had blinds up for 5 years that are too long and finally got them shortened to the right length!).
In just a few months we will be swimming and back to weekend family dinners at my parents. We will get through this, and I'm hoping as a society we will be stronger than we were before. I am hoping that families see that they don't have to have 12 after school activities to feel fulfilled - that people will slow down and get to know their neighbors. I'm hoping that the positive changes in the environment will stay and that the kids and young adults will remember these times and push for changes to keep our planet clean.
These days when I'm working from home are precious. These are moments I'm going to have with my kids that I normally would not have. I'm going to be able to make memories with them that otherwise we would be too busy to make. TODAY that is my takeaway.
Today they are my positive.
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